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7 ways to avoid settling for someone who is totally wrong for you
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These suggestions will help you avoid dating losers. - photo by Melinda Fox
Even though you know you don't want to end up with someone who is less than you deserve, for one reason or another, you can end up in a relationship with or married to someone who is. It may seem like the relationship is a good solution to your problems, but it can actually be the source of chronic discontent and even heartbreak. To avoid that, here are 7 suggestions to prevent you from settling.

1. Take risks

One reason many people settle is they are afraid of holding out for something that may not exist. What they have right now is secure, but waiting is a gamble. However, it's a risk worth taking. Even though the thought of ending up alone can be terrifying, the reality can't be worse than getting stuck in an awful relationship. Take the riskwait.

2. Avoid peer pressure

Peer pressure can come in all shapes and forms. Maybe it's relatives at holiday parties asking why you're still single or friends getting married and moving on without you. In whatever form, these pressures can make you run to the first person who looks your way in spite of the fact that they aren't great for you. Focus on yourself, and do whatever you can to prevent outside influences from driving you to make less-than-ideal life choices.

3. Work on your fear of being alone

If you have a terror of being alone (whether for a month or for forever), you are in danger of allowing yourself to settle for whichever person shows interest, even a person who might not be the best for you. Learn to be confident in your single self. Develop independence economically, socially and emotionally. Discover things you enjoy doing by yourself. If you are satisfied with your independence, you reduce your risk of being with someone just because they're there.

4. Meet lots of people

The more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet the person who meets your expectations. Talk to everyone: the person behind you in line, sitting next to you on the train or waiting at the cross walk. It doesn't matter whether they are old or young, male or female; what's important is that you are constantly meeting people so that you practice talking to people (so it's not a shock to your system when you try to converse with a cute guy in a coffee shop). Expand your networkeven if the person you talk to isn't your type, they may know someone who is. Increase your odds of meeting "the one."

5. Have a vision

Many people will come down on you for having a specific idea of who you want to marry. However, "being picky" is what prevents you from settling. Not everything you hope for in a partner is a necessity, but that doesn't mean you can't set inflexible standards about the most important things. Write these down. Your focus on these qualities will help you recognize which people meet your expectations and which don't.

6. Know your deal-breakers

Just like you should have an idea of what qualities are most important for your partner to have, you need to know what you cannot tolerate. This list does not have to be extensive, but you should know exactly where you draw your line in order to avoid settling for someone who has qualities that are actually unacceptable to you.

7. Become a high-value person

When you meet someone who meets your high expectations, they will be the kind of person that has high expectations as well. Do everything you can to tailor yourself into a person that you would want to marry. If you want to be with someone who is physically active, get moving yourself. If you want to be with someone who is patient, develop patience yourself. By holding yourself to the expectations you have for your dream partner, you will make yourself the kind of person who never has to settle.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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