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7 major conversations every couple needs to have
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Certain conversations are crucial for couples to have in order for their marriage to blossom and flourish. Here are seven that can make a significant difference. - photo by Gary and Joy Lundberg
Many marital difficulties can be minimized if couples have the following conversations with each other. When you have an understanding of where your partner stands on these key issues, your relationship can be much more peaceful and enjoyable. These conversations can be initiated by asking the following questions.

1. What does marriage mean to us?

First ask yourself, "What do I want out of a marriage?" Write down the answer to that question. Make a list of what you think you want out of a marriage. Then the two of you can get together and share what youve written. Discuss each point so the other understands what you mean. After that discussion, take your two lists and combine them. This will be your joint definition of what marriage means to you as a couple. With this clearly in mind you now have a goal to jointly work toward.

2. What are our sexual expectations?

Talk about what sexual intimacy means to you. This is a time when you can openly tell your mate what you need and desire sexually. Do not be surprised if your needs and desires differ from your spouse's. The important thing is to understand what each others expectations are when it comes to making love. Discuss that there may be times when youre not in the mood, or times when you could be in the mood if there is an element of patience and gentleness. Being aware of each others needs and responding in a caring way is what matters. Sexual intimacy is a vitally important part of a happy marriage.

3. What is our division of labor?

Many couples jump into marriage completely unaware of what is expected in the labor department. Talk about who cooks the meals -- will this duty be shared? Discuss how you work together on household chores, such as washing the dishes, emptying the garbage, making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, mowing the lawn, doing the gardening, etc. Dont expect one person to do it all. Talk about it and decide who does what. Keep it fair, or bad feelings can arise. Nobody wants to be stuck with these duties infinitely.

4. How do we handle our finances?

Finances can be a big problem if you dont sit down and decide ...

  • Who earns the money
  • Who pays the bills
  • How much we save out of each paycheck
  • How much is allocated for each to spend on personal items
  • What credit cards we use and what is our limit in charging (we suggest no more than you can pay off each time the bill arrives)
  • What debts you will incur
Couples who curb their spending and buy only what their budgets comfortably allow are much happier than those who get swallowed up in debt. The only way to avoid that is to make a financial plan together and stick to it. Include in your plan to always have some money for date nights and special fun occasions. Be careful with your money, but enjoy it, too, without going into debt.

5. How will we raise our children?

Most couples have discussed whether they want children, and how many, before they marry. Thats a crucial conversation to have. And it can change after youre married, which means its time for the conversation again. Discuss where children will fit in your marriage. Even though you would both give your life for your child, still you must keep each others needs as a priority. Children with parents who attend to each others needs have happier more well-balanced lives. Discuss your methods of disciplining, and the expectations you have for your children, i.e., education, developing talents, chores, earning money, etc. Both parents need to play an important role in childrens lives. Its not just the mothers or the fathers duty its both.

6. What role will religion play in our marriage?

Being of the same religious faith helps marriage run smoother. However, everyone practices their faith their own way. Whether you are of the same faith or different, its time for that important conversation where you decide what role religion will play in your marriage. Things like, "Will we actively attend and participate at church or synagogue as a family?"; "Will we pray together?"; "Will we support and respect each others beliefs?"; and "Will we raise our children to believe in God and say their prayers?" When these decisions are made together and the earlier the better then greater happiness and harmony at home will be the result. For enlightenment on this subject you may enjoy seeing the movie The Cokeville Miracle.

7. Where do the in-laws fit?

When you marry your spouse, you also marry his or her family. And that can be a very good thing as long as you have laid a foundation regarding the place of your in-laws in your marriage. Your spouse's needs must come before the needs of your parents. That doesnt mean you dont love and care for them; it just means there is an order regarding where they fit. Its a good idea to talk about the boundaries that need to be set regarding your parents and in-laws. These boundaries need to represent the feelings of both the husband and the wife. Parents need to let their married children have their own life without continual interference. When parents understand where they fit then harmony will abound.

Its never too early or too late for couples to have these conversations. Find a quiet, private, inviting place and begin. Youll enjoy it and your marriage will be better for it.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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