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6 ways to find joy in Christmas after losing a loved one
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There are ways to find joy in Christmas even as you mourn the loss of a loved one. These 6 ways may help you fill that hole in your heart. - photo by Gary and Joy Lundberg
Christmas is a joyful time of year. However, losing a loved one changes everything. Earlier this year our dear teen-aged grandson passed away. Just when I think Im coming to grips with the loss of this beloved child, Christmas hits me head on. It hits hardest when I check my Christmas list and prepare gifts for our 20 grandchildren. I always keep last years list to refer to and remember what I did one Christmas ago.

I see his name, and I realize he wont be part of my list this year. Only 19 grandchildren to give a gift to. Oh, how I want it to be 20 again! I want to see his sweet face and hear the kind words he always gives us when opening his gift from us, Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. I love you. He never failed to say this and I will miss it terribly. I feel a hole in my heart that tears are trying to fill up. Then I realize it isnt tears that will fill it up and I catch a glimpse of what will. I know what I must do.

1. Remember why we celebrate Christmas

Christ was born! He lived a perfect life of love for us. Then He died for us. And rose from the tomb that we could live again with Him. Not only with Him but with our dear loved ones who have passed on. He did that for us! Knowing this brings me great comfort and joy.

2. Place a nativity scene where all the family can enjoy it

As you place that tiny baby in the manger, do as a friend of ours said she does. I hold that holy baby close to my heart and thank Him. Then I place it in the manger. Nativities can remind us of the glorious gift God gave to us.

3. Do an act of service for someone

In fact, do one every day until Christmas. It helps you feel the love that only giving to others can give. It can be as simple as calling someone you think may be lonely and brighten her day. When you hear the words, Oh, thank you. Your call means so much to me, you will feel a filling of that hole in your heart.

A young mother told us of her desire to do a good deed for someone. She talked to her husband and children about it and asked them to be aware of what they might be able to do. The next day, when they were to work on doing something for someone else she had to have a minor surgery. She had promised the children that they would go out to lunch and talk about it that very day and wanted to keep that promise. Though she didnt feel the best she was determined to not ruin their opportunity to be together and discover a deed they could do for someone.

While they were eating, a stranger came to their table and said, You have a beautiful family. They are so well behaved. I admire you. Then he quickly left. She said he obviously hadnt seen the children poking at each other. When they went to pay for their meal the server said, Oh, its been taken care of. The man you were talking to paid for it. She was so touched that in their quest to do something kind for someone the tables had been turned and the deed was done to them instead. The whole family felt the spirit of Christmas by this gesture of kindness.

4. Cherish the loved ones you still have

Sometimes grief can rob the living of the love they need from you. Think of their needs. Remember, they are mourning, too. Do something that shows you are thinking of them. Maybe make a batch of gingerbread cookies and share them. Even sing a few carols as you deliver them to family and friends. If you have young ones around, let them help. It can create a memory that is heart-healing.

Most of all, put your arms around these dear ones and tell them you love them. Let them see a smile on your face that witnesses how happy you are to have them in your life.

5. Take time to talk about memories of your departed loved one

Let other family members share their memories, too. Some will be funny as you remember a crazy thing that dear one did. Laughing makes everyone feel better. Remembering makes us all feel safe in holding close the love we have for the one who is no longer there. You might want to hang a special ornament on the tree with your loved ones name on it.

6. Look to the future and be comforted that there is a future

In her book Healing After Loss Martha Whitmore Hickman said, Maybe I can relinquish my white knuckle grip on life, and trust that all will be well.

You can have a joyful Christmas even in the midst of mourning. Along with these 6 ways, praying can help make that happen. Feeling and expressing gratitude to God for having had this precious person in your life can bring a joy all its own.

We wish you a Merry Christmas! And we mean that with all our hearts.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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