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6 special secrets to share with your kids
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You dont have to be a secret agent to have a special bond with each child. - photo by Emily Cummings
When you had just one bundle of joy at home it was simple to spend every available minute snuggling. However, when sibling number two (and three) came along, or you went back to work, there was a lot more schedule juggling to do. If your special relationship with your oldest seems to be missing now, or the time you spend with the younger siblings isn't as quality as it should be, sharing secrets can get those close relationships back. Creating a secret mission with each kid individually gives each child an intimate relationship with both mom and dad. This secret means the world to your kid; its not something that is shared with other siblings, handed down after it was outgrown, or interrupted with work obligations and text messages. Pick out a secret mission for each of your children and see for yourself what sharing a secret or two can do:

Confidential codes Hide a small journal under their covers with instructions that this is your shared secret journal. It will only to be seen by the 2 secret agents whose names are on the back cover. You and your child will take turns writing a journal entry before hiding the diary under the other agents pillows or bedcovers. The other agent will then read the entry, and respond before hiding it again. Play up the very confidential secret-mission nature of this journal to make sure it stays hidden from prying eyes (and feels extra special for your kid).

Secret spa

Draw an extra special bath for your child as a surprise. Set up candles in the bathroom, play some fun music or get some ideas from this article to make bath time fun for your baby. Adding in something a little extra does a lot to make your child feel important.

Covert clubs Your little bookworm would adore having a private book club with just 2 members. Pick out a book you loved as a kid or one you know your child will adore and spend a few minutes in their room reading. Close the door, sneak in breakfast and have book club while other siblings slumber on. Have book club before siblings get home from soccer lessons, or while others are busy doing homework. For busier schedules, find a private hour on the weekend to report back on the chapter you both read during the week.

Secluded spot Find a secret spot only the two of you know about and call a secret meeting there occasionally. It can be a hidden nook behind the living room couch, the back seat of dads car, or the grassy patch outside that you cant see from the house. Spread out a blanket and have lunch there, just you two.

Sneaky slumber party After everyone has gone to bed, gently wake up one child for a sneaky slumber party just with mom and dad. All three of you can read a bedtime story all together and have hot cocoa before falling asleep to a movie. It will feel extra special to get some alone time with just the parents and your other kids will be none the wiser.

Hush-hush hiding

On a grocery shopping outing, ask one child to come with you and pick out a keepsake that only the two of you know about. It could be a little prize from those $0.25 machines outside, or a little trinket found in the check out line. Take turns hiding the prize in surprising places; between the covers, inside shoes, tucked between pairs of socks, or hidden in the cupholders of the car. See how long you can keep up the secret and see it soon fall into a tradition your children will remember and hold onto until they have kids of their own.

Mission accomplished, secret agent.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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