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4 parenting mistakes you dont have to make
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Having a baby is a serious and joyous decision. But if you havent thought about the reasons why you really want a baby, here are 4 parenting motives that need to be rethought. - photo by Georgia Lee
Some of the worst parenting mistakes are made before the baby is born, or even conceived. And most of these mistakes are made completely unconsciously. Many parents dont see these as concrete problems that can cause a host of issues in the child and within the parental relationship. But they are quite serious, quite real, and should be stopped as soon as possible.

1. Baby as property

Something many parents dont realize is that their children dont really belong to them. Biological and adoptive parents retain guardianship of their children, but those kids can be taken away if a child protection agency due to treatment or environment hazardous. Thinking of a child as something that is yours or something you own doesnt even cross most peoples minds. It sounds so harsh, but this concept is a reality of both people who feel the need to control another life, and those who simply mistake being responsible for a child with that child being theirs.

2. Baby as extension

Your child is not an extension of you. Children are not obligated to live as you live, believe as you believe, or love as you love. Kids are independent souls who resemble you in many ways but will also challenge much of what they come across in the world. Allow your child to be curious and build the life he wants to live without the undue pressure to please you.

3. Baby as career

Overenthusiastic and manic success oriented parents known as tiger moms and dads push their kids to the limit. With every moment of a childs life planned, scheduled and airtight, theres little room left to be a kid. Overworking your child and robbing him of his childhood can lead to psychological trauma, burnout and crumbling under the immense pressure to live up to unattainable expectations. Kids need to be kids because that time never returns when they grow up. And its not just for them; your kids childhood is for you to enjoy too.

4. Baby as success

Living vicariously through your child means pushing them to succeed in areas of life where you didnt or couldnt. Using your child as a barometer of your success is unfair and robs your child of the right he has to live his own life and pursue his own dreams. If you childs success is your success, make his happiness and health a priority, not a particular job, achievement or social status.

With so many great reasons to want to be a parent, choosing any of these as your primary motivator will shortchange both you and your child. Your parenting experience and your childs development will be fraught with stress and unnecessarily strain the loving bond you two should share. Parenting is not about control, but guidance. It is not about achievement, but creating a fulfilling life for your child. Believe it or not, parenting is a two-way street and there is much every person can still learn as they grow and head on their journey. Never stop evolving as a parent, and you wont have to make these last-century mistakes.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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