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3 ways your Super-mom cape makes your kids miserable
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3 ways your Super-mom cape makes your kids miserable. - photo by Damara Simmons
Come on boys we need to go, youre going to be late to swim team! I yell. My youngest is walking towards me, his feet are bare. Where are your shoes? You need your shoes! Seriously, you know what to do! Go get your shoes! I bark. He slowly turns around. Hurrrry! I call after him.

Dont they know I am doing this for them? I muse. What is wrong with them? Why do they move so slowly when we have to go?

Practice runs a little late that night. When we finally arrive home it is past their bedtime. Go get ready for bed, it is late, I call out.

Mom, Im hungry. Swimming makes me so hungry, my 10-year-old moans.

Okay eat something quickly and then head off to bed, I order.

I glance at tomorrows schedule: Cub Scouts and piano lessons. The next day shows swim lessons and a church meeting. I also have an activity I need to plan and a Sunday lesson to think about. Where will I cram in weekly laundry and grocery shopping? My head starts spinning. I can do this. If only my kids would listen and move quickly when we need to go, I reason.

Another month passes. I quickly grow more impatient, frustrated, and flat-out mean. My children are on edge and bicker regularly. My life is spiraling out of control all in the name Super-mom.

How I wish I could have a heart-to-heart chat with my younger-self. I would tell her, Damara dear, I know you want to be a good mom, but your red shiny cape has to go! Heres a great idea! Dig a hole in the backyard; toss it in, cover it with dirt plus several feet of concrete. You dont need it. You are good enough without it and your children will be better off too.

At the time, I failed to realize most of the stress and frustration was self-inflicted. My children were not to blame. In my crazed need to be Super-mom aka perfect mom, I forgot what mattered most my children. At the time I believed I was acting in my childrens best interest when in fact I was subconsciously driven by selfish motives a desire to look like Super-mom plus my hectic schedule made me feel important and validated.

The result: I was miserable and so were my children.

I discovered three ways my Super-mom image needed to be adjusted. When you find yourself overscheduled, stressed and regularly impatient with your children, I invite you to bury your super-cape (for good) and consider these points:

Be careful about overscheduling your children. Im not recommending removing all activities instead closely inspect your calendar for the next week. If your children have more than two activities scheduled per week, thoughtfully consider which ones might be unnecessary.

Imagine the mom with five children who each have three or more weekly activities (some occurring on multiple nights). Super-mom has agreed to juggle 20 or more activities per week. This doesnt even include your own events. Wow, that is a lot to volunteer for! Counsel together as a family and brainstorm what adjustments need to be made. Also, keep in mind activities do not need to be evenly spread between children. If one child only has one weekly activity, he doesnt need an extra one to even things out. Trying to be fair and equal causes more problems than it helps.

Be mindful of your personal boundaries. When you always say yes to everyones requests you are saying no to you and your family. Of course you want to help others and chip in, however, you can say yes too much and later feel resentful instead of happy you are serving. It is okay to tell some people I am too busy right now, thank you for asking me.

Your house does not have to be perfect. Often women feel their home is a reflection of who they are. While you are the heart of your home, you do not have to keep a spotless house. Instead ask your kids to help you with the chores, do them together, and talk while you work. Enjoy these moments as you learn together. Keep in mind, young children love to explore and make messes that is how they learn. Teach them and clean up together. Do not fret and stress. More important than a spotless house is a home of love.

Yes, I have things to get done, but I no longer overschedule my childrens activities, feel guilty about telling someone no or hyper-stress about my house.

For five years I have been on a journey to discover how to balance my life and live for today so I can feel more love, peace and happy moments with my family. Thankfully I buried my Super-mom cape long ago. I am enough and so are you!
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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