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3 things nobody warned you about when you got married
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Marriage is bringing two different backgrounds, experiences and expectations together. Here are 3 things you may have wished somebody would have warned you about before you got married. - photo by Russell C. Gaede, PsyD
We want to think we are realistic, but we base our expectations on our past experiences, including our experience in our own families. When marriage does not meet our expectations, we begin to realize there are things we wish we knew prior to the honeymoon. Here are 3 things you may have wished somebody would have warned you about before you got married.

1) You are at the end of all your problems. . . but which end?

We want to believe marriage will solve our problems. Granted, it does solve or end some of your problems. However, it brings new ones into your life. Instead of thinking of marriage as an end, think of it as a new beginning.

Even after you are married, the two of you will continue to grow and change both individually and as a couple. As you grow together, you will have more responsibility. Work together to overcome difficulties in your marriage. Realize that love alone is not strong enough to build a solid foundation. A solid foundation takes work and effort as you work through difficulties that bring you closer together.

There are some common problems people often think marriage will solve. For instance, marriage will not erase your insecurities. If you are insecure before you get married, you will continue to be insecure unless you work through your difficulties.

2) Great sex does not happen naturally.

We start our marriage with great expectations, often about sex. What needs to be remembered, is that men and women view and desire sex differently. In addition, we receive and express love differently. Love is the willingness to be there for another person and share in each others life. It's a combination of emotional, spiritual, and physical feelings. To make your marriage the best it can be, learn to understand yourself and how you like affection shown.

Take time to learn about sex from your partners perspective. Take time to understand each others likes and dislikes. Sex is better once you know what you and your partner like. Be adventurous and try something new once in a while, you might find that you enjoy something you did know you would like.

Keep your life together physical. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin. Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug and kiss. Make a conscience effort to hug and kiss for 30 seconds at least once a day. There will be a noticeable difference in the way you feel and interact.

3) Conflict is not a sign of dysfunction.

Conflict is part of every relationship. One of the top reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences. I have worked with couples who think if they do not agree on everything, their marriage is a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. Couples who get divorced have about 8-10 irreconcilable differences, whereas happily married couples have about 8-10 irreconcilable differences. So what is the difference? The difference is how you communicate about these differences. Learn proper communication skills.

Part of effective conflict resolution is the ability and willingness to forgive. When you forgive, you are expressing a desire to make your marriage work. Communication is absolutely vital and is more effective than silence.

Issues will arise in your marriage. Having the ability and willingness to talk about and resolve issues is important. Remember that the two of you were raised in different environments with different ways of solving conflict. Both ways may be positive and work, but they may also be very different. How you work through the conflict is more important than the conflict itself. As you learn to work together, you will learn the art of compromise and forgiveness.

Communication is more than talking. It is a balance of talking, listening and understanding. It involves paying attention to what your fianc is thinking and feeling. Good communication builds both parties up, increases self-esteem and is uplifting. Religious leader, Theodore M. Burton said: Couples interested only in themselves dont communicate. Lack of communication then becomes a major stumbling block in developing true love.

Love is the very foundation of a good marriage. As long as you choose to fortify your love in marriage, you will be happy. Marriage is what you make it and can be wonderful. Enjoy every moment, and do not let the small things get in the way of making it a happy marriage. Remember, love is a choice. . . make the choice to love your spouse.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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