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22-week twin photo spreads hope, sparks controversy
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In November 2014, a Lehi mom gave birth to twins at 22 weeks gestation. They lived 30 minutes. In July 2015, she posted a photo of her babies on Facebook with a simple message: "With all this talk of abortion right now, I want people to know that this is what a 22-week-old child looks like. ... It is legal to abort children at this age in way too many places. While I was holding my babies, wishing they would survive, babies at the same gestation that could have survived are being torn apart and discarded... I hope someone will see this and reconsider their choice." Her message went viral, being shared 90,000 times. Bristol Palin, LifeNews.com and ActionNews.com have all shared her story, spurring hateful comments and stories of hope. - photo by Rebecca Rode
It was a heartbreaking end to a long-awaited pregnancy. In November 2014, Heather Ellis lay in a hospital bed, holding her twins as they passed away. Born at 22 weeks gestation due to their mother's incompetent cervix, Chase and Cooper were simply too young to survive. If they'd been born just two weeks later, medical staff could possibly have saved them. As it was, they lived for about 30 minutes, being held in turn by their mother, father and 6-year-old brother.

Months later, Ellis posted a photo of the experience on her Facebook page. "With all this talk of abortion right now, I want people to know that this is what a 22 week old child looks like," she wrote. "It is legal to abort children at this age in way too many places. While I was holding my babies, wishing they would survive, babies at the same gestation that could have survived are being torn apart and discarded. It makes my heart sad. There are so many better options (adoption being my personal favorite) I hope someone will see this and reconsider their choice."

She didn't expect her message to get far, so she was surprised when weeks later, it had been shared 90,000 times. LifeNews.com and LiveActionNews.com picked up the story, and Bristol Palin reposted Ellis's story on her blog, commenting, "How can we let anyone say that babies like this do not have the right to life? These are clearly and indisputably human beings! God bless this sweet mama for telling her story. I know that God will use the short lives of her two precious boys to inspire other mothers to choose life!"

One commenter, Djinnenjous, said, "As a father who has lost more children to miscarriages than I still have living, this was incredibly painful to read. The pictures ripped at me. I don't know how this couple can be so strong as to share this with the world like that. I have nothing but the profoundest respect and admiration for the Ellises."

"The way I see it is that abortion is taking a child's life," Ellis said about her post's unexpected popularity. "No matter how far along you are, that fetus is a human with a beating heart who will eventually be born. And for those like me who struggle to have children but want them so badly, it's so hard for me to comprehend somebody else not feeling the same way."

The response wasn't all positive, however.

"I have gotten a few negative messages," Ellis said. "They were hurtful people using horrible language and calling my children disgusting but I tried not to let it bother me. On a few of the sites where it has been shared there have been some heated abortion debates, but I haven't read any of those. I try to only look at the positive messages. Like the ones where people told me about their own loss, adoption, or abortion."

There have been plenty of each. Ellis has received hundreds of messages from women around the world thanking her and sharing their stories. Her blog received 60,000 hits in five days. One commenter talked about a girl who was sexually assaulted at 15, got pregnant, and ended up homeless. Her friends and family recommended abortion, but she chose adoption instead. Her little girl is now 3 and happily living with her adopted family.

"I wanted people to connect a face to their unborn fetus," Ellis said. "You wouldn't believe how many women wrote me to say how much they regretted getting an abortion when they were younger. That has been so hard to hear, but I have tried to write everyone back with a personal message, letting them know that it's okay. By opening up, I have allowed others to also feel safe about opening up about their own stories."

While abortion is a hot-button topic on social media right now, Ellis insists that she doesn't judge or condemn those who make that choice.

"I just hope to make people who may be contemplating it to think a little bit more about their choice before doing something so final," she said. "I want them to know that there are other options out there, and that every child is special."
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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