Discovering that your partner cheated on you is a detestation beyond anything else. And when you're dealing with that pain, you have many hard decisions to make about how to progress with your life. The obvious answer may be to leave the partner who cheated on you. However, there may be many reasons to stay and shoulder the challenge of repairing the damaged relationship.
While you should never stay with a partner who repeatedly destroys your trust or is physically or mentally abusive, it's important to remember that sometimes the brave decision to stay with a partner who cheated is the best choice for you and your family.
Here, 12 people who stayed with a partner who cheated on them reveal why they decided to stay. Hopefully this can offer you perspective as you choose how to move forward.
1. Because he loved her most
"[I] ended up deciding she was the one I loved most. So that's why I stayed with her. I trust her completely (again), and in some ways the emotional trauma of that experience has brought us closer (in other ways not). It's not always easy and I occasionally have second thoughts, but that's true of any relationship. I'm happy with my decision though, and she makes me happy and vice versa."
2. Because it's easier
"In my experience I became Dependant (sic) on this person, had imagined a life with her and everything. it's harder to lose all of that than it is to just forget they hurt you."
3. Because they have a kid
"I would have divorced her immediately but for our daughter's wellbeing (sic)."
4. Because it made him a better person
"The ... thing that came from this that I am proud of is that I have become a better person. I trust more openly and love more deeply. This is because I try harder than I ever have."
5. Because she's working to fix her mistake
"I can't really say why I decided to stay in the relationship to be honest. Relationships are complicated. When you've been with someone such a large portion of your life, it's difficult to imagine life without them. She's worked very hard to help pick up the pieces. But, I do continue to struggle with everything that's happened. The hurt doesn't go away, and I still have a difficult time trusting her. I still get mad and sometimes pretty depressed, but I stay..."
6. Because she has cancer
"My wife was diagnosed with ... cancer a number of months ago and her prognosis is not good."
7. Because he's a good person
"I stay with him because he is a great man and father. He knows I am learning to forgive him very slowly."
8. Because she wants to help him change
"I'm afraid that I might still be with him because he is a broken man (divorced due to cheating) and I need to help him become a better person. NOT that I can change him, he can only decide to do that himself... But I am very much a 'Jack Shepherd' in that I feel I have to fix everything. He has bent over backwards to repair what he broke in us. But the trust part is definitely a struggle from day to day."
9. Because people make mistakes
"People do make mistakes too. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern in my book. I'm not giving a third chance with my bf but i love him and he's still only done it the once."
10. Because marriage is a committment
"I stayed because I wanted to believe, because my couples therapist said to, because trying and putting faith in my spouse was what I promised her and because I live up to my promises."
11. Because he admitted it
"A few reason. Biggest one is that I still love him and he admitted it to me as soon as he'd done it. It was long distance at the time so it was a very unique situation. rebuilding trust was difficult but its almost all back.
12. Because love
"The main answer is love. It's hard to find someone you really fit well with and connect with. I thought it deserved a second try/chance."
The full responses were posted on Reddit here, here and here.
While you should never stay with a partner who repeatedly destroys your trust or is physically or mentally abusive, it's important to remember that sometimes the brave decision to stay with a partner who cheated is the best choice for you and your family.
Here, 12 people who stayed with a partner who cheated on them reveal why they decided to stay. Hopefully this can offer you perspective as you choose how to move forward.
1. Because he loved her most
"[I] ended up deciding she was the one I loved most. So that's why I stayed with her. I trust her completely (again), and in some ways the emotional trauma of that experience has brought us closer (in other ways not). It's not always easy and I occasionally have second thoughts, but that's true of any relationship. I'm happy with my decision though, and she makes me happy and vice versa."
2. Because it's easier
"In my experience I became Dependant (sic) on this person, had imagined a life with her and everything. it's harder to lose all of that than it is to just forget they hurt you."
3. Because they have a kid
"I would have divorced her immediately but for our daughter's wellbeing (sic)."
4. Because it made him a better person
"The ... thing that came from this that I am proud of is that I have become a better person. I trust more openly and love more deeply. This is because I try harder than I ever have."
5. Because she's working to fix her mistake
"I can't really say why I decided to stay in the relationship to be honest. Relationships are complicated. When you've been with someone such a large portion of your life, it's difficult to imagine life without them. She's worked very hard to help pick up the pieces. But, I do continue to struggle with everything that's happened. The hurt doesn't go away, and I still have a difficult time trusting her. I still get mad and sometimes pretty depressed, but I stay..."
6. Because she has cancer
"My wife was diagnosed with ... cancer a number of months ago and her prognosis is not good."
7. Because he's a good person
"I stay with him because he is a great man and father. He knows I am learning to forgive him very slowly."
8. Because she wants to help him change
"I'm afraid that I might still be with him because he is a broken man (divorced due to cheating) and I need to help him become a better person. NOT that I can change him, he can only decide to do that himself... But I am very much a 'Jack Shepherd' in that I feel I have to fix everything. He has bent over backwards to repair what he broke in us. But the trust part is definitely a struggle from day to day."
9. Because people make mistakes
"People do make mistakes too. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern in my book. I'm not giving a third chance with my bf but i love him and he's still only done it the once."
10. Because marriage is a committment
"I stayed because I wanted to believe, because my couples therapist said to, because trying and putting faith in my spouse was what I promised her and because I live up to my promises."
11. Because he admitted it
"A few reason. Biggest one is that I still love him and he admitted it to me as soon as he'd done it. It was long distance at the time so it was a very unique situation. rebuilding trust was difficult but its almost all back.
12. Because love
"The main answer is love. It's hard to find someone you really fit well with and connect with. I thought it deserved a second try/chance."
The full responses were posted on Reddit here, here and here.