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10 phrases that are emotionally crippling your wife
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Expressing yourself doesnt have to mean hurting your spouse. Be careful of these 10 common phrases that are emotionally crippling your wife. - photo by Georgia Lee
Emotional support is a delicate tango between saying what you feel and being sensitive to the needs of your wife. Even if what youre saying to your spouse when she is asking for your attention is not aggressive or abusive, it can still be emotionally damaging. Here are 10 common phrases that are emotionally crippling your wife.

1. Why cant you be more like ...

Comparing your spouse to another woman is damaging no matter how positive you try to make it. Focusing on your wifes negative qualities while complimenting another womans positive qualities is doubly disheartening. If doesn't matter what youre trying to get out of the comparison, youll only dredge up defensiveness and resentment.

2. Dont feel that way

Telling your wife how to feel is a no-no from the get-go. Whether said in an argument or everyday conversation, trying to control what your partner feels is the wrong way to go about reaching mutual understanding. Make sure your message is clear and don't tell her shes wrong for misunderstanding it.

3. Youre too sensitive

This is a very common phrase that basically absolves you of your responsibility to be supportive and puts all the weight of the relationship on your wife. Even if she has become emotional to the point of being unable to express herself clearly or be receptive to your responses, saying Youre too sensitive wont resolve any of this. Again, it only creates defensiveness and resistance.

4. Youre crazy

This is dismissive not only of what your wife is saying and how she feels but also of who she is as a person. Instead of acknowledging that you dont understand the points she is bringing up, saying this puts her down and ignores what shes trying to say.

5. Youre acting like a child

Saying this or something similar, like Youre being a baby, does nothing to express feelings or resolve conflict. This focuses on the behavior you dont want instead of the behavior you do want.

6. Youre acting like a ...

Your wife has the right to be frustrated and upset. She also has the right to express her feelings and ask for her needs to be met. Neither of these make her a b-word or any other derogatory name. But an emotionally damaging husband will try his best to make her think this is the case. These kinds of phrases send the false message that a good wife never has a bad day or negative feelings, or keeps it to herself is she does. She also keeps quiet about her needs and just takes whatever her husband is willing to give.

7. I dont care

This is a great way to end a conversation before it starts. And end a relationship in a few moments. You may not care right then about whats happening in your wifes world if youre preoccupied, stressed or frustrated. But by saying this youre also conveying that you dont care about your wife. Be careful and choose your words wisely.

8. Let it go

Also said as, Stop talking about it, this is an attempt to move the conversation to a more comfortable, interesting or important subject to you. It disregards what is important to your wife. This phrase often pops up when a wife wants to remind her husband of his former misdeeds, and hes tired of hearing about it.

9. Shut up

This is an angered and completely disrespectful way to silence your wife. It displays dominance instead of balance and control instead of cooperation. This is an attempt to intimidate a spouse into submission and creates an unsafe emotional environment.

10. Im done

A husband may simply be done with the conversation, but this also sends the message of, Lets just end it and get divorced. This rips the foundation out from under your wife. It makes it impossible for her to feel supported and able to express herself without the fear of being abandoned.

These emotionally crippling phrases are all too common in marriages. Learn their true meaning, call them when you see them and eliminate them from your relationships.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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