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Stepparents merit equal authority
Parenting
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A journalist called me the other day wanting me to make some pithy, erudite comments on the subject of the so-called “stepfamily.” I am eminently qualified, I propose, to remark on the subject because I was raised in one, although it was not called a stepfamily back then. We were a family: me, my mother, my stepfather and their two children.
We weren’t really any different than any other family, at least as far as I could tell. He was my stepfather, but I called him “Dad.” And by the way, my other father, the one I saw only in the summers (he lived more than a thousand miles away), had no problem with that. My stepfather set rules, assigned responsibilities and disciplined me when he felt I needed discipline. My mother did not interfere in any of that.
Back to the journalist: I told her the primary problem concerning today’s stepfamilies is that the people in them don’t act like they’re living in a family. Rather, they act like they’re living in a “step.” Their emphasis is on the prefix.
Under the circumstances, the stepparent is akin to being a guest in the home. This especially is the case when he or she is not allowed free disciplinary license with the children of his or her spouse.
Both Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil say that a stepparent should not discipline the stepchildren. In fact, this has become stock advice from mental-health professionals.
Supposedly, when the stepparent disciplines, a boundary is violated. This causes the stepchild confusion and resentment and can precipitate rebellion and other equally dire things.
Really? I wasn’t confused. And I didn’t resent my stepfather’s discipline any more than I resented my mother’s. And when I went to live with my biological father, my rebellion hit an all-time high. And after living with him for a little more than a year, I called my mom and begged to come home, even though bio-dad had given me a car and set me up in my own apartment (at age 16!).
I gave all that up for a stepfather who only let me drive his car occasionally and had me do things like paint the house and weed the yard by hand. I must’ve had some mental disorder that caused me to prefer confusion and resentment.
There now are more stepfamilies than either single-parent or first-marriage families in America. The statistics vary from source to source, but best estimates are that 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
The rate, however, for second marriages where one or both parties have children from prior unions is between 60 and 70 percent.
I propose that the dramatic increase in the divorce rate for stepfamilies largely is due to the fact that step-people do what Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil (and the majority of mental-health professionals) recommend.
They create an us-and-them family that really isn’t a family at all. It’s just a collection of people with pronounced, unresolved territorial issues attempting to live under one roof. It’s a convenient arrangement, at least from a financial standpoint (usually), but that’s about the best that can be said for it.
The journalist asked for my recommendations. Here they are:
When a stepfamily is formed, the marriage relationship must come first. That is family rule No. 1, regardless of prefixes or the lack of them.
It is in everyone’s best interest that pre-existing parent-child relationships be “reduced” and relegated to the proverbial backseat. The children should be prepared for this in advance so that their new status doesn’t come as a shock.
The more proactive the adults involved, the more likely everyone will succeed in the new family arrangement. And mind you, it is in everyone’s best interest that this new family succeeds.

A psychologist, Rosemond answers questions on his website, www.rosemond.com.

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Fit Kids Fest set for Saturday, focuses on childhood obesity
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SAVANNAH — Childhood obesity is a growing concern across the nation.

Georgia is not immune to this epidemic. Nearly 40 percent of the state’s children classified as overweight or obese, which is the second-highest child-obesity rate in the U.S.

The Junior League of Savannah is working to draw awareness to the issue here in the Coastal Empire by hosting the Fit Kids Fest from 2-5 p.m. Aug. 25 at Daffin Park’s Optimist Stadium.

The event is free and open to kids in grades k-6 as well as their parents.

The event will include interactive stations focused around the Choose My Plate and Let’s Move! initiatives. Station themes include a build a jump rope, an obstacle course and Let’s Move! dance instruction. There will also be a snack-food demonstration that incorporates the Association of Junior League International’s Kids in the Kitchen program.

Parents will have an opportunity to participate through health screenings provided by Memorial University Medical Center and a cooking demonstration utilizing locally sourced ingredients by celebrity chef Michele Jemison.

Nonprofit organizations also will be available on site with information about various area programs and services.

“At the very heart of the mission of the Junior League is ‘improving communities through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers.’ We certainly see Fit Kids Fest as an opportunity to educate the public on how to fight childhood obesity,” league President Lisa Pinyan said.

The Savannah Sand Gnats will award free tickets to their 6 p.m. game following the Fest to the first 250 youth participants and are offering discounted tickets ($6 each) for the rest of the family.

For more information, call 912-790-1002.

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