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Humor: Zuckerberg's role in history is safe

God bless everyone...

POSTED: May 4, 2018 6:30 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump hosted the president of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari, at the White House on Monday. They really seemed to get along. Their press conference did get off to an awkward start when Trump pointed to his guest and said what a great meeting he and Kanye had in the Oval Office.

The New York Times released Robert Mueller’s questions for President Trump if they agree to meet. The trap won’t work. If you want to get Trump to say something impeachable that’ll get him run out of office, you don’t get Bob Mueller to interview him, you get Howard Stern to interview him.

Alabama’s defeated GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore filed suit Monday claiming that he was victimized by a political conspiracy in December’s election. He insists that he would win an honest recount. What do you expect from a guy who convinced himself that 14 is the same as 18?

Ashley Judd sued Harvey Weinstein for sex harassment over his behavior decades ago as Tom Brokaw faces past claims at NBC. The fact that all this sex misconduct happened so long ago just proves the popularity of porn. Our birth rate is so low the Maury Povich Show was cut to half an hour.

Stormy Daniels announced Monday she is suing President Trump for defamation of character after he ridiculed her in one of his tweets, saying she was pulling a con job. He must like it. The ironic thing is that the weekend they met at Tahoe, she told him that a con job was $200 extra.

Kanye West stood up for President Trump to TMZ Monday and he ripped the media for trying to enslave blacks into one mind-set. And then without warning, Kanye claimed that slavery in the U.S. appeared to be voluntary. Just be yourself is the most dangerous thing you can say to some people.

South Korea President Moon Jae-in nominated President Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing Kim Jung Un to the peace table. What a turnaround. Kim admits he originally wanted to destroy America but then he realized social media beat him to it, so he agreed to negotiate with Trump.

Bill Cosby’s jurors told reporters Monday they decided he was guilty of drug rape because he once admitted he gave Quaaludes to women in the late Seventies. The jurors didn’t understand the era. Back in the late Seventies, Quaaludes were so common they were considered after-cocaine mints.

Fox News hosted a debate between West Virginia’s Republican primary candidates for the U.S. Senate seat that’s up for grabs in the November election. The statewide voter turnout should be huge for this election. This year, the four candidates are Fentanyl, OxyCodone, Vicodin and Morphine.

West Virginia GOP Senate hopeful Don Blankenship calls the Senate majority leader Cocaine Mitch McConnell in his TV ads. The dig refers to a maritime cocaine bust on one of Mitch’s wife Elaine Chao’s company merchant vessels. You guessed it, she’s Trump’s Secretary of Transportation.

Prince William and Duchess Kate appeared on the balcony of Buckingham Palace Monday and announced they have named the new prince Louis Arthur Charles Windsor. There are two things physicists can’t explain. One is L.A. to outsiders, and the other is why the Founding Fathers bothered to overthrow the King of England and then give the president more power than the King of England.

Email Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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