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Humor: President Trump vs. NFL and NFL vs. us

God bless America and how is everybody

POSTED: September 28, 2017 6:30 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The National Football League roared into week three Sunday amid a slump in TV ratings that made no sense. Look at the match-ups. Viewers had the New York Giants vs. the Philadelphia Eagles, the Dallas Cowboys vs. the Arizona Cardinals, and then the big game, Donald Trump vs. All of Them.

New York Giants Odell Beckham Jr. made a TD catch Sunday, then he went down on all fours, lifted a leg and imitated a dog urinating on the field. This after the team refused to stand for the national anthem. O.J. is getting out of prison just in time to advise the NFL how to improve its image.

President Trump tweeted it’s OK by him if teams stand with locked arms during the national anthem. Then he saw it. When Trump saw them standing along the sideline with their arms locked together, it gave him a great idea for the wall, if he can finesse it past the UN Human Rights Council.

President Trump said he’ll visit hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico next Tuesday. The hurricane damage left the entire region with commodity shortages. Gas is so expensive in South Florida that Palm Springs society women who want to run over their lovers in the driveway are having to carpool.

NYC former Congressman Anthony Weiner was sentenced to 21 months in prison for sexting with a minor. He will be in federal lock-up until he’s served his time or gets released. So Weiner’s got almost two years to figure out how to send nude photos of himself through a pay phone.

The GOP health care bill died a second time Tuesday when the usual few Republican senators killed it before it got to the floor. Republicans are having a terrible tortuous time trying to vote together on a health care bill. Laurel and Hardy looked better trying to push a piano up the staircase.

Bill Clinton sold his first novel, "The President Is Missing," to Showtime to be made into a movie mini-series. It was announced amid the NFL national anthem controversy. It’s a reminder that the last president who urged an American to take a knee got impeached for lying under oath about it.

NFL players knelt en-masse during the singing of the "Star Spangled Banner" before Sunday’s games. They should be grateful that’s the song. Players on eight NFL teams came within one bad decision at the Battle of Gettysburg to charge away from having to stand for "Dixie," and play for free.

The national anthem protests reaction split on partisan lines Monday. A Harvard study shows that patriotic rituals turn young people into conservatives. Teachers must be horrified that it only takes an English drinking song and a beautiful flag to undo 12 years of public school education.

Saudi Arabia yielded to international pressure and lifted its ban on allowing women to operate a motor vehicle Tuesday It opens up a whole new world. Saudis can finally go to a movie theater and watch Thelma and Louise in its entirety, not just the 12 minutes where women aren’t driving.

North Korea’s foreign minister said at the UN Monday that a state of war now exists between North Korea and the U.S. He said they’ll start shooting down U.S. planes. When reporters asked North Korea’s foreign minister what life is like under such a brutal regime, he said he can’t complain.

President Trump hosted Spain’s prime minister Tuesday and said he’ll visit Puerto Rico next week. The U.S. used gunboats to seize Puerto Rico, Cuba, Guam and the Philippines from Spain in 1898. Then Spain counter-attacked with the birth rate and looks set to win back all of North America.

You can email Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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