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Humor: Is Dennis Rodman the only one who can save the world?

God bless America and how is everybody

POSTED: August 10, 2017 11:04 a.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump threatened North Korea with fire and fury Tuesday while North Korea’s Kim Jung Un threatened to incinerate America a thousand-fold. How nuts has it gotten? We’ve reached the point in human history where the only person who can save the world is Dennis Rodman.

President Trump is spending two weeks golfing at his Trump National Bedminster Golf Resort in Pinewood, New Jersey. The game is really in his blood. Right now, Jack Nicklaus could win the Nobel Peace Prize by telling President Trump that North Korea has some really beautiful golf courses.

The New York Post gossip column Page Six reported this week that Donald Trump is the first United States president in 130 years not to have a dog while living at the White House. That explains why the North Koreans think they can push him around. They think he’s a vegetarian.

President Trump vowed to take action against North Korea when told that they have succeeded in miniaturizing a nuclear warhead to fit in a missile. How bad does it look for North Korea? This morning, Kim Jung Un dropped off his clothes at the dry cleaners and they made him pay in advance.

The Wall Street Journal likened the U.S.-North Korean confrontation to a game of high stakes poker Tuesday. That’s a good call. Last night, Uncle Sam looked across the table at North Korea and said I’ll see your dangerous, unpredictable, thin-skinned leader and raise you the Seventh Fleet.

Al Gore’s documentary "An Inconvenient Sequel" is a total bomb, finishing last at the box office last week. He can’t be happy. Your cause may need re-thinking when it’s a 100 degrees outside and a movie about global warming can’t even get people into a movie theater for the air conditioning.

The Atlantic magazine ran an article about Hillary Clinton looking into her plans for life after politics. It reveals she may follow up on her long-held desire to join the Methodist ministry. In her first official act following her ordination, Hillary is expected to sue Satan for breach of contract.

Russia’s president Vladimir Putin was photographed Monday spear-fishing in a Siberian river while bare-chested. That’ll teach Putin to meddle in U.S. elections. The sanctions have only been in place for a week, and already the Russians are out of shirts and they’re eating wildlife bare-handed.

The London Police issued a bulletin Tuesday saying they are looking for an ISIS veteran who exposes himself to teenage girls and plots terror activity. This morning the police had to send out a clarifying statement. It said they’re looking for an actual suspect and to stop sending in applications.

Mexican captured drug lord Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman hired the New York defense attorney who won an acquittal for John Gotti Jr. No prison has been able to hold him. Best case scenario, El Chapo winds up in a federal prison near a silver mine or a gold mine, so we can re-use the tunnels.

The Justice Department vowed to find the leakers of the transcripts of Trump’s phone calls with foreign leaders to the Washington Post. That was low. Next the Post will run transcripts of Trump’s call to the pope, asking him for forgiveness of his sins and for the plans to the Vatican City wall.

USA Today reported that Barack Obama celebrated his 56th birthday at his new home in Washington, D.C., over the weekend. Two terms in office really ages every president. Barack Obama’s hair is now so white that yesterday it drove a Prius to Whole Foods to pick up a six-pack of Coors Lite.

E-mail Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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