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Humor: Lousiana's French roots on the menu

God bless everyone...

POSTED: April 27, 2018 6:00 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

San Diego led the revolt against California’s sanctuary state status, which prevents police from handing illegal criminals to ICE agents. A caravan of illegals approached the border on Tuesday. The arriving Central Americans are reported to be upset about the border wall, but they’ll get over it.

Prince William and Duchess Kate were all smiles as their seven-pound boy joined the royal family this past week. Both sides of the Atlantic dote on them. England’s royal baby has blue eyes, fair hair and pink skin, while America’s royal baby has nuclear weapons and three dozen golf resorts.

Johns Hopkins surgeons performed the first successful penis transplant Tuesday after several false starts. This is the first one using a human donor. In the last attempt, they used an elephant trunk, but the recipient encountered problems every time he walked past a bowl of peanuts on the bar.

Bill Cosby’s trial for allegedly drug-raping a woman in Pennsylvania 16 years ago finally wound down this week inside a Philadelphia courthouse. The verdict could go either way. On Monday, the defense rested, and when it woke up, Bill Cosby was standing over it in his bathrobe.

Californians started a signature petition to secede from the U.S. Tuesday. State officials claim states’ rights for sanctuary cities and allow segregated dorms at Cal State. So between states rights, segregation and secession, just who does Jerry Brown have to sleep with to get a statue in Richmond?

Secretary of Veterans Affairs nominee Dr. Ronny Jackson’s confirmation hearing got delayed amid rumors he drinks and is abusive to his staff. The evidence is all circumstantial. Jackson is not an alcoholic just because three times he has been named Uber’s customer of the week.

Kanye West was ripped by Hollywood stars and on social media Monday after he tweeted that he loves President Trump. It won’t hurt his career. The megalomaniac performs to packed arenas, he flaunts his opulent lifestyle and he openly parades his tabloid-obsessed sex life, and so does Kanye.

The White House hosted an elegant state dinner honoring France Tuesday and Louisiana’s governor was the only Democrat invited. The state’s French influence is plain to see today. At any given moment, half the people of Louisiana are under water and the other half are under indictment.

The White House officially greeted France’s President Emmanuel Macron and wife Brigitte with bands and cannon. The first French Republic resulted after they beheaded their king with a guillotine. The Steele dossier worked so well on Louis XVI, the Democrats decided to try it on Trump.

President Trump spoke to reporters Tuesday and called for a tougher Iran nuclear deal than the current deal. This could get really ugly. If Iran’s government gives up its nuclear ambitions and decides to go Tweet-to-Tweet with Trump, we could be in for a replay of the Hundred Years War.

Trump welcomed France’s president to the White House with a kiss on both cheeks Tuesday. France is the only country that doesn’t do battle re-enactments. After all, who wants to spend all weekend dressing up in old uniforms and surrendering, other than the maid at Trump Tower.

Melania Trump drew rave reviews for her detailed planning of the White House state dinner for France Tuesday. She planned the menu, chose the wine, and dazzled with her evening gown. It’s the first time reporters compared her to Jackie Kennedy without also mentioning Marilyn Monroe.

Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz ordered all his coffee shop employees to undergo racial sensitivity training. It’s to avoid disrespecting black people. White privilege is real, but no one talks about how tough it is to date one Kimberly after another for 40 years and try to keep them straight.

E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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