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Humor: Misty Snow and Drizzly Showers

God bless everyone...

POSTED: March 30, 2018 6:00 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Weather Channel said the Eastern Seaboard was hit by another round of winter weather this past week. Winter has everyone cranky. The weather forecast in Washington, D.C., today was Misty Snow and Drizzly Showers, and President Trump swore he’s never slept with either one of them.

The University of Oklahoma named oil company executive James Gallogly the school president Monday, succeeding the legendary former Sen. David Boren. They say that you never forget your first true love and the OU campus is where I met mine. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about beer.

Major League Baseball opened its season Thursday hoping to match the excitement of when the last season ended. The World Series was won by Houston over Los Angeles last October, when God decided that Houston’s Harvey was worse than L.A.’s Harvey. But he thought about it for seven games.

Wall Street stocks fluctuated wildly all week due to revelations about social media sites selling user information. The investors don’t like it. Facebook stock is falling so fast that when Mark Zuckerberg dropped off his clothes at the dry cleaners this morning, they made him pay in advance.

Stormy Daniels filed a lawsuit against President Trump’s lawyer Monday for defamation of character after he doubted her story. She may have a case. Character as we all know is a product of honesty, integrity and keeping your clothes on for the first three minutes after the plumber arrives.

President Trump let it be known in Washington Monday that he wants to use Pentagon funds to build the Mexico border wall. The military always has to watch for price-gouging. Contractors to the military could go to jail if they charge the U.S. $5,000 a brick and it’s not cocaine.

The Hill reports former Ringling Brothers Circus clown Steve Lough is running for Congress in South Carolina. That’d be a lateral transfer. It was first called the Ringling Brothers Circus and Wild West Show, however last week the Wild West Show ran off to form the National Security Council.

The Jerusalem Post said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was rushed to a Tel Aviv hospital Tuesday. He was suffering from a high fever and chills. The U.S. Embassy delivered Trump’s Get Well wishes, the British Embassy sent some flowers to his room, and Russia said they didn’t do it.

North Korea’s Kim Jung Un met with China’s President Xi to assure Xi he desires peace with the U.S. The CIA’s dossier reveals that Kim keeps a teenage harem, takes Viagra, snorts cocaine and drinks Cognac. Does any 28-year-old man in the world have more incentive not to die?

California sued the White House Tuesday over the decision to have Census takers ask people their citizenship when they knock on doors in two years. Hispanic lawmakers are outraged. And it didn’t help that morning when the White House said the attack on Britain was an attack on the U.S.

John McCain is set to release a memoir in May that promises to rip President Trump. You can imagine the numbers of TV interviews he’ll do plugging the book. If the Viet Cong had ever made the mistake of getting between John McCain and a camera, we might have won the war unanimously.

Palm Springs and South Florida gated-community homes and golf resorts are reportedly doing a huge business selling to retiring baby boomers. Golf is the perfect sport for us. I am a baby boomer and that means I’d never sell my soul, but I will cheerfully rent it out for instant gratification.

 E-mail Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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