View Mobile Site

Humor: Heat wave, Trump, small NFL crowds

God bless America and how is everybody

POSTED: October 26, 2017 6:30 p.m.
File photo/

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

View Larger

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Weather Channel reports a sizzling heat wave in Southern California Tuesday baking the fans at first game of the World Series. People will do anything for a little relief. It’s so hot that tourists in Beverly Hills are walking around praising Trump’s job performance just for the cold stares.

West Hollywood will host a million people in costume for the city’s annual Halloween Parade Tuesday night. My neighbor, an actor, told me that he’s going to prepare for his parade persona as authentically as he can. And since he’s going as Batman, this is REALLY bad news for his parents.

President Trump was cited by a Democratic Florida congresswoman and Green Beret widow over his consolation call after her husband died in Africa. There’s angry discussion over the situation in Niger. If Trump isn’t careful about his tweets involving Niger, auto-correct could get him impeached.

President Trump drove up to Capitol Hill Tuesday to push for his tax cuts, however he ran into a buzz saw of Republican criticism. It took courage, but Trump went to lunch with GOP senators. The president’s food tasters were seen playing rock, paper, scissors to see who had to take the first bite.

John McCain took a swipe at President Trump for getting out of military duty in Vietnam. He didn’t mention that Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Donald Trump all got out of fighting in that war. Someday it may dawn on McCain that the Cowboys aren’t America’s Team, it’s the Dodgers.

GOP senator Jeff Flake gave a speech ripping Trump Tuesday and declared he won’t run for re-election as GOP senator Bob Corker ripped Trump and dropped out. Two guys become beloved heroes because they surrendered. So tell me again what the media has against Confederate statues?

GOP Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska who is married said Tuesday it was somebody else who signed him up for a bunch of dating sites. The timing was perfect. Ben is a future candidate for president but he saw what happened to sixteen GOP candidates last year who never had a sex scandal.

President Trump blasted the NFL Players Association for standing by players who refuse to stand for the national anthem. However, every week a game is played in London and they all rise for God Save the Queen. It just points to the complete absence of Irish-Catholics playing in the NFL

The NFL suffered dismal attendance at games in San Francisco, in Miami, and in Cleveland Sunday. The scandal will come when CBS is caught using audience cheers and applause from the old I Love Lucy show when the home team scores. Listen for Desi’s laugh during the TD celebrations.

Saudi Arabia’s king on Tuesday announced that Saudi Arabia will begin practicing moderate Islam. Women can shed their burkas and dress up. Until now, the best thing about being a Saudi prince is you could divorce your wife and re-marry, and never have to change the photo on your desk.

North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un gave a speech to his communist party congress Monday and he vowed to rain hail and fire on the U.S. in a nuclear attack. I have a liter of Diet Coke and Mentos in my refrigerator. In other words, my nuclear program is 10 years ahead of North Korea’s.

The New York Post covered an NYU medical school study that shows that your brain continues working briefly after you die, so you are aware you are dead. It’s the other way around that’s the problem, when your brain’s dead but your body’s alive. That’s when you’re aware you’re in Congress.

 Email Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Commenting is not available.

Comments

  • Bookmark and Share


Please wait ...