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Humor: Hollywood, where 3 movies can get you a PhD

God bless America and how is everybody

POSTED: October 12, 2017 6:00 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Harvey Weinstein was fired from The Weinstein Company he founded, after 16 Hollywood actresses came out and accused him of sexual harassment. His behavior only left two options. Weinstein had to be either fired from the Weinstein Company or elected president of the United States.

Hollywood movie mogul Harvey Weinstein was exposed in the New Yorker Monday as a serial sexual harasser of women, with tape recordings of his misconduct. Still, he did get some good news. General Foods just hired Harvey Weinstein to be their TV commercial spokesman for Jell-O Pudding.

Hillary Clinton waited five days after the Weinstein scandal broke before saying she’s shocked and disgusted by the news of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual misconduct. She did NOT volunteer to give back his huge donation to the Clinton Foundation. Hillary said she was shocked, not electrocuted.

Hollywood Democrats quickly tried to turn the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment scandal into a critique of President Trump and dug up his past accusers. It never ends. Hollywood is the only place where you’re awarded a doctorate in political science after completing your third movie.

President Trump implied war against North Korea is imminent if Kim doesn’t surrender his nukes. Trump’s betting that Kim would rather give up his nukes and keep his teenage harem, his cocaine, Viagra, and ESPN sports package rather than die this month. We were all 28 once.

President Trump got into a Twitter war with Tennessee GOP Senator Bob Corker, who chairs the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and who announced he will be retiring from the Senate next year. The senator is a man of unquestioned integrity and honesty. So he ruins the curve for everybody.

Donald Trump’s first wife Ivana claimed in an ABC interview Monday that she’s the real first lady, which drew a rebuke from Trump’s third wife Melania. Second wife Marla Maples refused comment. Everyone agrees this is the greatest season of the Real Housewives of the White House ever.

Italian neurosurgeon Dr. Canavero will perform the world’s first head transplant surgery in December. Connecting the spinal cord is the key. The human brain works 24 hours a day, every day and every night, from the moment you’re born until the moment you enter the voting booth.

Tom Petty was honored Saturday when the entire stadium at the University of Florida sang his hit song, "I Won’t Back Down," together during the halftime show. It gets better. During the song, the maids who clean up the rooms at the Hard Rock took a knee and locked arms in protest.

Disney Studios released a trailer for "Star Wars: The Last Jedi" during halftime of Monday Night Football. Excitement is building for its mid-December release. There are two types of people here on the Planet Earth, those who absolutely love Star Wars and those who have had sex.

ESPN suspended anchor Jamele Hill for tweeting NFL viewers to boycott Cowboys game day TV sponsors over the anthem. Let it go. The only reason we’ve come this far in race relations is because Martin Luther King was too smart to demand NFL fans choose between beer and civil rights.

Jerry Jones announced Sunday any Dallas Cowboys player who doesn’t stand for the National Anthem will be benched. It’s spreading. While in line at the grocery store this morning, I dropped to one knee to tie my shoelace and everyone else in line dropped to one knee and locked arms with me.

Email Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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