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How to know if the person you're in love with is ACTUALLY right for you

POSTED: September 13, 2017 10:19 a.m.
Melinda Fox/

Are you in love with someone who's wrong for you?

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You know that love isn't always logical, so when you're deeply in love, how can you tell if the person you're in love with is actually the right person for you? Here's a list of eight things you can evaluate to help you know if the man you love is someone you could love forever.

1. YOU are the right person for you

Relationships are two people bringing all their good pieces and bad pieces together. So while you don't need to be perfectly self actualized to be in a successful relationship, if you don't have your crap together, you're not going to be able to handle his crap. If you want to be certain he's the right man for you, make sure you know who "you" even is.

2. You hope he never changes

This isn't to say you don't anticipate him growing into a better version of himself. It's just to say that you aren't wishing he was a lawyer or that he didn't crack corny jokes. You are fan of him, just the way he is.

3. You think the way he eats his cereal is cute

When you tell your friends you can't stand the way he chomps on his Cheerios (and he pours the milk first?!), they tell you to just "get over it," but this might actually warrant a deal-breaker.

Family Studies professor Brian Willoughby said, "Dating should be a selfish process," and explained that if the way your partner eats his cereal bothers you enough, it could create real tension after 20 years of breakfast together. So, it's OK to take those "little" things seriously. If it's a big deal to you, it's a big deal to the relationship.

4. You like who you'll become with him

Don't just look at yourself now in the relationship; Look at who you'll become. Does he make you want to be better or do you find yourself slipping into bad habits around him? If you plan to be in a long-term relationship with the person you're in love with, make sure you'll love yourself with him in the long run.

5. You can see yourself as an old married couple

You will both make mistakes that hurt the other, you will fall out of love, and life will get hard. This is true of almost all relationships, but the relationships that last are the ones where both parties are committed to make it work regardless. So sincerely ask yourself if you are committed to working at this relationship until you're old and gray.

6. You're still together after a fight

Fighting is OK (sometimes it's more healthy than not fighting) but what matters is how you resolve the fight. While there are some issues that are fine to choose to forget about, for the most part you should have a process to working through your issues.

7. You have the same goals

If his plan is to have four kids in four years and yours is to explore your music career, there will be dissonance in your relationship. This means that even though you love him, he might not be the right one for you.

8. You want to support him no matter what

Although dating is a selfish process, you can't absolutely neglect your partner's needs. You need to know that you can be a supportive partner to him. If he has issues that you can't get over, recognize that you might not be the best partner for him in the long run.
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