View Mobile Site

Humor: Tech support suggesting USA reboot

God bless America and how is everybody

POSTED: July 7, 2017 6:00 p.m.
File photo/

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

View Larger

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

California lawmakers pushed a bill to give the DMV more power to regulate self-driving cars before they show up on the road. Apple has just applied for a license to test them. With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there’ll be a country western song about your truck leaving you, too.

New York City hosted a huge Independence Day celebration at the Statue of Liberty followed by a tremendous fireworks show over New York harbor. There are no hard feelings in the Mother Country. In England the Fourth of July is celebrated as the day they decided they’d rather keep India.

Independence Day drew protests Tuesday from Indian groups who believe the white man stole their country from them. The Indians are especially touchy about Columbus discovering America. That’s like walking next door and discovering your neighbor’s Cadillac and telling him it’s yours now.

North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un set off alarm bells in world capitals with his latest missile test on the Fourth of July. He fired off an ICBM with so much power it flew 1,800 miles into outer space. Someone needs to tell Kim that’s a good way to lose a finger.

The CIA dossier on Kim says he likes to snort cocaine, take Viagra, date teenage girls, and he loves NBA basketball. He belongs on the front row at Lakers games with Jack, Charlie and Paris. The Staples Center is the only basketball arena in the world where the nose-bleed seats are courtside.

President Trump ridiculed North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un over his missile firing Tuesday asking Kim if he has nothing better to do. The dictator is particularly defiant toward Trump. Kim not only launched a missile that could reach Alaska, he changed the name of his country to NK-CNN.

President Trump took off for Europe Wednesday with Hollywood and the mainstream media refusing to acknowledge his presidency. This country is broken. Tech support in India just suggested that we try turning off the United States for five minutes, then turning it back on, and see if that helps.

President Trump speaks today in Poland at the site of the Warsaw Uprising against the Nazi occupation. The war is never far from his mind. If Trump goes into hiding for three days without tweeting, he feels like he’s gone into hiding for so long he’s giving Anne Frank a run for her money.

President Trump meets with Vladimir Putin in Berlin Friday. The Russians have been buzzing U.S. ships and planes and bombing U.S. allies in Syria while Trump has ordered Russian-made jets shot down over Iraq and missile-attacked Russia’s ally Syria. The Democrats still aren’t buying it.

German Chancellor Angele Merkel will host the Group of 20 leaders including President Trump Friday. They don’t like it when Trump badgers them to pay their NATO dues. The German government traditionally lists expenditures underneath two headings, social services and reparations.

The First Baptist Church of Dallas hosted a tribute to U.S. veterans at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C., Saturday, when Trump spoke. The conservative evangelicals embrace a hearty creed. You may be too religious if you’ll only have sex in the missionary position, with a missionary.

President Trump in his speech to U.S. veterans at the White House on the Fourth of July called upon Americans to remember and respect the core beliefs that unite us as a country. The problem is, Americans are down to one core belief. The more you weigh, the harder it is to get kidnapped.

E-mail Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

Commenting is not available.

Comments

  • Bookmark and Share


Please wait ...