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What one Instagram account can teach us about mother-daughter relationships

POSTED: July 8, 2015 9:09 a.m.
Shelby Slade/

The stereotypical mom is concerned and caring, but sometimes these subtle messages can seem overbearing and concerning. Is this over-involved behavior normal, or does it take it the mother-child relationship too far?

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“What are you doing this weekend spawn?”

“It’s Monday can’t think that far ahead”

“Ur father and I would love to see u (this weekend). U remember us don’t you? Ur father’s the one u puked on for years and took care of all the stray animals u brought home? I’m the one who broke her back carrying u for 9 months only to be sliced open and permanently scarred so you could exist.”

While this seems like a common text exchange many young adult children have had with their moms, it’s a text from Crazy Jewish Mom sent to her daughter Katie Siegel that she posted to Instagram.

It’s these texts about grandchildren, potential husbands and being safe in New York City that have made Siegel’s Instagram account both famous and relatable.

The stereotypical mom is concerned and caring, but sometimes these subtle messages can seem overbearing. Is this over-involved behavior normal, or does it take the mother-child relationship too far?

Controlling moms and moms who pin their own are among the eight types of toxic mother-daughter relationships, which include neglectful parenting and uninvolved moms, Peg Streep reported for Psychology Today.

Additionally, daughters with over-involved, critical moms are more likely to develop eating disorders, U.S. News reported.

"It appears that this corrosive form of family communication is particularly damaging to individuals' sense of self and well-being, as it seems to promote a struggle for control and self-enhancement," Analisa Arroyo, an assistant professor of communication at the University of Georgia in Athens, said in a news release about the study.

In order to build a strong relationship between mothers and daughters, family therapist Linda Mintle suggests that both mothers and daughters listen to each other and communicate how they are feeling, Margarita Tartakovsky reported for Psych Central.

Mintle said another key is to balance closeness with individuality. While mothers and daughters should be close, both need to understand they are their own person that can make their own choices.

While Crazy Jewish Mom may seem, well, crazy, Siegel told Terri Peters from Today that her mother’s concerns and daily reminders to go to the gym are well-meaning and done in fun.

“I find the neuroses amusing, and I know it all comes from a place of love,” Siegel said. “I think it's hilarious, and it does not bother me at all. Even the most outrageous stuff comes from a place of love and with humor.”

Siegel’s mom, who prefers not to share her name, said she and her daughter have always been close and had a strong relationship.

“What can I say? She’s an only child and I am always trying to help,” she said. “I love her more than anything. We are very, very close. We over-share. Kate always knew she could tell me anything, and I wouldn't be shocked.”
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